Unsent text message to Lucas

You were the one for me. The only one that mattered. I had to let you go for a good reason and you know it. I miss you so much and will probably miss you forever

Hi. These past months have been incredibly difficult for me.

So while you may be peacefully going on with your life, I need you to know your actions were cruel and hurtful. And that hurt has multiplied with time, because I have never experienced this kind of treatment. I opened up to you in a way I hadn’t in years and…

I’ve been manifesting you. I really hope you feel it and decide to see what’s going on. Sometimes I feel like you do feel it and ignore the pull. Which is understandable considering the fact that you might hate me. I’m hoping you don’t though. There is honestly no reason to and I don’t want to invalidate your feelings…

Hey, whether you want to hear this or not is up in the air, but heregoes. Its been 10 days now. 10 days of asking myself questions like "why" or "what if?" And 10 days of grabbing my phone everytime it went off hoping its you. 10 days without phone conversation, no work day check ins, or random pics. It was 10 days…

Maybe one day you’ll understand I never wanted to fight. I just wanted to be chosen. To feel safe. To feel like love wasn’t something I had to earn or beg for. It was never me vs. you. It was me trying to protect what we had. Trying to make it work. Trying to show up in the way I wished someone had shown up for me…

I miss you.

when I'm alone I miss you a little more.

I'm alone practically everyday.

but even then, on the rare ocassion I am with someone, I still feel the same way, if not more…