Unsent text message to Barbara

I’ve been manifesting you. I really hope you feel it and decide to see what’s going on. Sometimes I feel like you do feel it and ignore the pull. Which is understandable considering the fact that you might hate me. I’m hoping you don’t though. There is honestly no reason to and I don’t want to invalidate your feelings…

Hey, whether you want to hear this or not is up in the air, but heregoes. Its been 10 days now. 10 days of asking myself questions like "why" or "what if?" And 10 days of grabbing my phone everytime it went off hoping its you. 10 days without phone conversation, no work day check ins, or random pics. It was 10 days…

Maybe one day you’ll understand I never wanted to fight. I just wanted to be chosen. To feel safe. To feel like love wasn’t something I had to earn or beg for. It was never me vs. you. It was me trying to protect what we had. Trying to make it work. Trying to show up in the way I wished someone had shown up for me…

I miss you.

when I'm alone I miss you a little more.

I'm alone practically everyday.

but even then, on the rare ocassion I am with someone, I still feel the same way, if not more…

do you know how hard it is to use an ASL dictionary?

I miss you more with each day that we’ve been apart. I can see you’ve listened to my playlist on spotify and I want you to know that I play it at night time, when I can’t sleep and quietly cry into my pillow. I wish things could be undone. Until then, I’ll keep seeing you in the small things.

Good night my love