Unsent text message to Jordan

So we’re out at the same place and you can’t be bothered to so much as say hello to me - why tf text me after? Gross. The combination of avoidance and ego, I’ve had it with. You’re the worst kind of liar because you can’t even be honest with yourself. Either leave me alone or be a ******* man and say something real.

I got blackout drunk the night you told me. I said I would never do that. I know you don’t want me to do that still but it’s finally my life now. I ******* loved it. Loved every second. You were scared, you’ve seen it ruin people and didn’t want that to happen to me. I smoked some weed too. It’s been three weeks but…

Tonight, I lay here in bed, in a house full of people and all I can think about is you. Maybe it’s the 3 glasses of wine speaking. Maybe it’s the meaning behind this weekend. But all I can think of is you. I miss you. And you don’t even deserve that. You hurt me so badly.

I miss who you were before it all went wrong…

I told you something last summer as if it was a passing whim or a folly. Maybe then not now. I have gone bat 💩 since then. While you may be under the impression that i am quite recovered. I am actually crazed in some new way. Don’t be afraid. I will be composed.

I’m so ******* tired of how I’ve been treated. I would have moved the world for you. When you were hurting, I cared. When you were scared, I wanted you to feel safe. I tried to understand you, give you space, forgive, reassure, and constantly look at what I could do better. And somehow I ended up feeling like my own…

It’s been awhile since I talked to you. Yes, since I talked to you. Because you never talked to me, it was always me closing the gap.

Shoulda been a sign enough huh?

But then I get to thinking sometimes, less often now than back then. I wasn’t making this up. Whatever THIS is.. was.

So anyways I been so busy in my real…