Unsent text message to Ashley

My mind is finally my own. You said something profound. I trust it will help you heal. Someday.

I know we were only together that one night. We took a shower together the next day and tou were gone. Its been a long time now. You probably don't even remember. I've never wanted to aee a woman again so much in my life. The next day you didn't stop by. I never saw you again. I meant to pullout but you said leave it…

I was never who they said I was. I’m not who they say. In fact, you will never know me now because you chose to believe them instead of discovering me on your own. I’d like to say I can forget but I can’t. I’m not in the business of proving myself. If it’s easier for you to believe in a narrative that keeps you comfy…

You don’t have anyone in that lonely city. You’ve been alone so long you don’t know how to share and reach a level in a relationship requiring vulnerability. I understood that. I get you. Find your way back to me. I know your life is consumed with solving problems so solve it and let’s work this out. Don’t be alone.

Driving home from work after a long day, cut off triceps by drivers who didn’t seem to care. Turning to look into the next lane to mèrge and then it happens. It's not some random face I'll never see again. It's a face, I've loved, laughed with, yelled at, embraced, excitedly looked for in a see of other faces, a face…

Every time i think about you now I remind myself the harsh reality that nobody actually walks away from someone they love.

When people tell me this, I instead understand it to be a coping mechanism shrouded by guilt and a false sense of martyrdom. You don’t get to be a bleeding heart like some ******* beatnik, you…