Unsent text message to Claire

We spent years together, you spend months cheating while I was struggling with my health problems. You knew today was one of if not the last time we would see each other before I move away, you told me you wanted to write a letter to me. I didn’t know what to expect, a goodbye, a sorry and you’d take responsibility…

since we've discussed me being trapped in a box, if you're going to keep me in there, can it at least be love-shaped?

With heart.

Over the last week this sr has been I think extremely helpful in getting out all of the things I can’t say to you because I’m blocked. Kind of praying that you’d be lurking and see them but mostly that you don’t. Anyway I’ve finally come to realize (begrudgingly af) that I deserve so much better. I wouldn’t tolerate…

for what I did. i did what needed to be done to save myself. no one was looking out for me, so I had too. I’m sure you understand that, it’s something you do for yourself. you were slowing ******* me with lies and betrayal and calling it love. why? why go through all that work when I wasn’t even who you wanted? just…

What was the point of all of this? Why would you put me through it? I thought we connected… or did we? It felt different this time, or at least I thought it did. Now I don’t know if it was all a lie. Can’t you see how fragile I am? I let you inside my inner world, finally, just for a second. I was brave. I wondered if…

I don’t know why I still think about you. Maybe it’s the way you carried yourself like the weight of the world belonged on your shoulders. Maybe it’s because beneath all that toughness, I always suspected there was something softer hiding underneath. You were never subtle. Everything about you was loud, your presence…