Unsent text message to Grant

for what I did. i did what needed to be done to save myself. no one was looking out for me, so I had too. I’m sure you understand that, it’s something you do for yourself. you were slowing ******* me with lies and betrayal and calling it love. why? why go through all that work when I wasn’t even who you wanted? just…

What was the point of all of this? Why would you put me through it? I thought we connected… or did we? It felt different this time, or at least I thought it did. Now I don’t know if it was all a lie. Can’t you see how fragile I am? I let you inside my inner world, finally, just for a second. I was brave. I wondered if…

I don’t know why I still think about you. Maybe it’s the way you carried yourself like the weight of the world belonged on your shoulders. Maybe it’s because beneath all that toughness, I always suspected there was something softer hiding underneath. You were never subtle. Everything about you was loud, your presence…

As much as it hurts me to say this id rather you be happy than to selfishly try to keep you to myself. Even though I do wish youd come back. I want to say your name so bad right now God I wish I could see your pretty little smile again. I feel like my hearts been ripped out and thrown against the wall right now. I…

And found out that you have likely had me blocked this entire time.

It wasn’t about who would win, and it was never a game, but you truly won. I’m glad it was so easy for you.

I realize that even as I write this,there will never be a future for us,not in the way that I wanted it anyway. As far as I know you're with a new man now and you probably don't even think of me. You told me that it was purely platonic after a year together and I wish I could have taken some of my choices back,so I…