Unsent text message to Lucas

I miss you so ******* much, I wish i could have you in my life even as just a friend. You mean so much to me it ******* blows, im always wondering if i mean the same to you.

I wish i could see you again, i wish you were in my life. I know it wouldnt be the same but its okay with me. Getting this all out is either…

Sometimes You just.... appear in My quiet moments. ♥️

A thought..

A smile..

Something You said…

My mental health isn't good. My mind is fragile. It feels like it could bend and break. I want to do the work to keep people and relationships but I'm so broken right now. Not okay at all due to my illnesses. Its difficult for me to communicate at all and my mind makes a different narrative that isn't real and I get…

The only difference is that you aren't there anymore.

And somehow, after all this time, I still do it.

I don't understand how you could do this. How could you throw away all the memories, all the stories we had, like none of them mattered?

The bedtime stories I read to you. The things I did for you. The things I wanted…

Multiple people have voiced that they think i love you, even suggesting that there might be some feelings from your side too. They've stated those things both jokingly and seriously.

I would be a liar to say i haven't seen you in that light before but that was during a difficult time for me and it was more about that…

I miss you.

I’ve tried to find a more dignified way of saying that, but there isn’t one. I just ******* miss you.

It’s been eight weeks and there are still days when the absence of you feels enormous. Today is one of them. I miss talking to you. I miss laughing with you. I miss your body and your stupid face and the way…