iMessage
You were perfect in the beginning. You are still perfect when you want something from me. It’s all a lie. My mind is tricked into thinking that version of you is back. It never lasts long. My mind can’t grasp how different you actually are.
I have to remind myself that this is the real you. The one who ignores me after long intimate nights. Quite literally, the next day. You are cold and detached. Your hand goes off me and then I don’t exist to you. You know it hurts me. Every time. But you don’t care. You never did. You don’t feel bad at all. You won’t leave me alone because you like how I make you feel. That’s why you lie to me. That’s why you tell me I’m the only one. That’s why you tell me I’m important. You want my love, tenderness, empathy, validation, body and understanding. What do you give me in return? False hope. Lies. Trauma.
You can’t stand when I pull away. You won’t have it. You switch the charm on again. You spiral at the thought of losing me, so you say whatever you can and you know it works. Once you have all of me, you discard me. You don’t care if I never see you again. Until, you miss that feeling that only I can give you. Stop lying to me. Let me leave. You know you don’t love me. How can you be so cruel?
I’m so stupid for loving you through every lie. Every discard. Every heartbreak. Every time you cheapen me and downgrade the relationship. Every day that goes by. I cry myself to sleep wishing things were different.
You called me at 3am multiple times. I missed your calls two weeks and asked if you were ok, and you never responded. You’ve discarded me for good now. Haven’t you? It would be the kindest thing you ever did if you stayed gone. We both know you won’t. You can’t stand not taking from someone like me. I’ll always let you back. I feel I can breathe again when I hear from you. Even if it is all fake.
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