Unsent text message to Caleb

Ive had to make u hate me so u can be happy. And so i can learn to feel safe again...

After its all said and done....i miss u terribly.

You are my best friend and i will always love u but ive gotta let u go. I hate being a burden to u and i hate having u live in a state of anxiety over me. It feels like i lost a huge…

If you only understood how much i love you, how much i cared. Being angry at you for no reason is hard, so f'in hard. You would not see why i'm doing it or how i feel, but i'm sorry, i truly am. What i said, what i did, it hurts me a lot that i did that. If you don't reach out to me again, that's fine, it's the…

Hey just a friendly reminder that the next time you're pretending to give a **** about someone don't come home excited to tell your friend about some guy's huge huge huuuuge ******* ****. And definitely don't do it while sitting right there like he doesn't exist. And if you slip up and do this incredibly stupid and…

Seesaw

Can I ever leave?

You ascend, I think it's safe to unmount. But it's not, because even the slightest indication I'll swing my other leg over will send you into a plunge. So I find myself affixed to a relentless up and down cycle. Why can't we achieve balance? Maybe because I'm half your size but twice as patient…

Am I setting myself up for failure by waiting for you? When everyone says I should move on something inside of me says "stand still and wait, but work on yourself in the meantime!" I'm so confused!!

I want to start by saying I genuinely don’t hate you in anyway, nor will you ever hear me say anything bad about you. When you left I was (still slightly am) mad because you left those residents with one less nurse that would advocate for them the way they needed. We didn’t work in the same area, you could’ve stayed…