Unsent text message to Mia

I'm pretty but not so petty not to hope you have a good birthday you were my best friend for so many years J. I hope you get everything you wanted and that you don't think of me even once for the whole day. I hope you get lots of love and have a wonderful time with our daughter. I hope you get the snacks you like and…

i wonder if you ever think about us or if it’s easier to pretend we just stopped existing.

you were there one day, and then suddenly you weren’t. no conversation, no explanation, nothing. just silence.

and honestly, i don’t even know what i expected from you anymore. maybe not an apology, maybe not some big explanation…

Or is it too much of a reminder of us.

did you know that ravens sometimes bring gifts to humans they like? little things they’ve found - a bottle cap, a shiny stone, something that caught the light just right and made them think, for reasons we can only guess at, that someone else ought to have it.

i think about that sometimes. how strange it is to find…

I couldn’t understand the distance for so many weeks. It’s happened a few times before. I thought maybe you were just needing the break and I let you have that space, like so many times. This past couple of weeks has had me on cloud nine with you. I was ready to burn the ships…yes, and all the way. I was scared to…

i keep trying. i've tried everything. there just doesn't seem to be a way back to anyone who cares. like we're not in the same reality anymore even when we're standing in the same room. i know people care. i just don't know how to reach you