Unsent text message to Eli

Or is it too much of a reminder of us.

did you know that ravens sometimes bring gifts to humans they like? little things they’ve found - a bottle cap, a shiny stone, something that caught the light just right and made them think, for reasons we can only guess at, that someone else ought to have it.

i think about that sometimes. how strange it is to find…

I couldn’t understand the distance for so many weeks. It’s happened a few times before. I thought maybe you were just needing the break and I let you have that space, like so many times. This past couple of weeks has had me on cloud nine with you. I was ready to burn the ships…yes, and all the way. I was scared to…

i keep trying. i've tried everything. there just doesn't seem to be a way back to anyone who cares. like we're not in the same reality anymore even when we're standing in the same room. i know people care. i just don't know how to reach you

You mishandled me when I truly felt so certain you wouldn’t… it broke me in a different way than I’ve felt before because I’ve not trusted another completely. For weeks now all I want to do is lay in my bed when I’m not forced to be doing other things out of obligation and responsibility.

The saddest part of that I…

I want to say happy birthday, I really do. I’m sorry if you think I don’t care, you know I do. But I can’t after everything you did. But I can’t forget. And I can’t forget we were supposed to elope today.