Unsent text message to Brandon

I provided support and security from day one through day 1460. What changed was slowly coming to terms that you were only going to use what I provided to keep manipulating everyone and not to do the promised self-care and years of hard work to deal with why manipulation is automatic.

I was relieved when you found a…

I feel like everything has truly crumbled apart for me. I really tried to do my best. In everything. My best is never and will never be truly good enough. The process isn’t even fun. I feel so ******* tired crawling through life. It’s hard. The payoff is next to none. I have nothing to look forward to, and I’ve tried…

I can hardly breathe

i wonder whose bad advice almost turned into one of "those" guys... you know the ones that made it so difficult for me to say "i love you" out loud to you the very first time.

i'm just glad you took my words seriously. and surprised me with a call later this week :) (and it was adorable that you said it was not only…

Missing you.

It hurts.

Missing our talks.

Missing our inside jokes…

I understand now why I can’t have you. Why I can’t be happy. I am the embodiment of evil. I don’t want to be evil, but I guess I don’t have a choice anymore. I’m losing more and more time as it takes over. Days turn to weeks that I can’t remember. I wish I could go back and un-do the deal that was made but even that…