Unsent text message to Tyler

Missing you.

It hurts.

Missing our talks.

Missing our inside jokes…

I understand now why I can’t have you. Why I can’t be happy. I am the embodiment of evil. I don’t want to be evil, but I guess I don’t have a choice anymore. I’m losing more and more time as it takes over. Days turn to weeks that I can’t remember. I wish I could go back and un-do the deal that was made but even that…

On days like today being with you was great. When i wasn't your emotional punching bag. When you weren't agry at the world and taking it out on me, you know. When you aren't trying to manipulate every outcome. When you aren't firing false accusations non stop and revising your theories when i refute them. It's nice…

You happen to stand with me, and against me.

And wonder why we cant know peace.

Im not the one with doubts.

I am doubted…

I'd still take you back I can say I wouldn't but I know it'd be a lie at this point. You were everything to me for so long we have the most beautiful daughter and if it meant I could see her every night again I would take all the disrespect in the world. I hate that I know that's no example I'd want her to see but I…

...but at who's expense?

You can't lie, cheat, manipulate, use and abandon someone, blame shift and project when you're expected to be held accountable for your actions and then just be like 'I cHoOsE pEaCe'.

That feeling in your heart, the ache, the churning in your stomach that hasn't subsided, the nervous, jittery…