Unsent text message to Jason

I hope the dog is enough that you stop using, mocking and exploiting people. This whole thing really sucked.

If I had acted differently, is there a chance you ever would have chosen me?

If I had waited longer, could you have wanted to really be with me?

If I had told you how much you meant to me, would things be different now?

Fair enough, I won’t anymore. We can be nothing to each other as you wanted to. There will be no effort made on my side or thoughts toward your consideration. Goodbye from my mind now.

It's not like "I want you" but more of like "I want to see you, hear you and maybe get to talk to you" and nothing more than that. I cannot "want you" because you already have your responsibilities. This is the thing about whatever this is. I wish to just tag along and let you do your thing. These responsibilities are…

I’m going through something and all I want to do is talk to you for comfort. The thing is, you would make it so much worse. I really need you right now. I want to lay with you and feel your breath. I just want your comfort so bad right now. I really hate you for this feeling.

I write messages online to help process all these thoughts I can't share with you but part of me hopes you'll encounter them. Have you seen them? I worry how they'd come across on their own. There's so much I haven't taken accountability for but I avoid the specifics online. I don't want to push examining painful…