Unsent text message to James

It would have been nice to still have a best friend , it’s my late moms birthday and could have used someone caring enough to distract me or at the very least ask how I am

Hey I know this is a random text but over the past week I’ve been thinking about us and how things ended and you’re gonna hate me for this (valid) but I just had to say something.

You spent a lot of time with me talking about wanting to be a better person, be kinder etc and for what it’s worth I actually do think…

you’re deeply loved because you are you.

Do you want me to forget about us ?

Do you want me to not feel hurt and move on like me and you had never met ?

Do you want me to not love you ?

Do you want yourself to not love me…

I'm thinking I get a panic attack about my ****** loveife

It's bothering me so long I feel so bad about it and I don't know what to do. I'm trying so hard to find someone or something meaningful, I go out, I'm in a course, I try dating apps, I'm working on myself and it's still just not enough. I don't even get…

My dream is that one day, you reach out to me.

Not because I stopped loving you, but because you told me to leave you alone forever—and I promised myself I would respect that.

So I won’t reach out.

I won’t chase you…