iMessage
I’ve finally let you go.. My heart has been broken for a few years now. This last half year has been the worst of it. Watching you build your new life without me has been a pain I would never wish on anyone.
I’m ok though. I’m actually really good. Life goes on. I can be ok and still miss you. I guess that’s part of life. Not always getting what you want. It’s made me stronger, healthier.. I’ve been forced to look deep inside to understand what it all means. What I’ve learned much about myself. Where I’ve had to focus to heal, things I had to let go of. Still learning. Every day. I’ve also learned you may not have been the woman I fell in love with. I mean, I fell in love with you but after it all changed, I was holding onto a version that left the day you chose to break our trust. I loved a woman that left long ago. I may never know why you never fully helped me through the pain you left me with. Maybe you didn’t know how. Maybe you just didn’t care. Maybe….
Either way, I love you. I would try if you ever decided we are worth it and you reached out to let me know. I don’t think you will though. You’re too proud of your new “self”. I’m too broken. The guilt is too much for you. Or you never had any to start with. But if you wanted to try. Get the help we would both need. Honey, I would be there. To me, it was always you.
The fear of losing you has slipped. The fear of being alone in this life has left. I’ll be fine. The only fear left is knowing I’m ready to move on. Without my hope there is nothing left keeping the little last piece of us together. We have our beautiful pup sure. But she is no longer a tether. She’s simple just “our” dog. Shared. Between two separate hearts that once loved each other.
I hope we both get the life we want. I hope someday you reach out. I hope I’m still in a place that would try when you do. 🖤
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