Unsent text message to Zach

You told everyone on Monday night that you’re a heart breaker but there’s someone whose heart you will never break… who?

Hmmm why me no ***** **** huh. **** no trust. **** no feel good is what you use but need instead. **** like self. I like self too. Don’t need sweat. Sweat uhnd **** must feel good , be good. If not, keep to self. You go find you ****. You want ****, not me. If mad bout **** no. I fine. Always have ****. Make **** more…

I see all of these “I miss you” unsent messages and I always wonder if one of them is you speaking to me. I sometimes scroll thru them just to see if any of them in some small way relate to me and just maybe it will be you. I miss you, and I shouldn’t but I do.

Everything went wrong for me yesterday. Nothing bad at first but the consistency of bad luck almost made me break down completely, yet I kept going.

Then the last thing that went wrong broke me down, my dog almost died. He’s fine right now and I’m thankful that the worse that could have happened did not. I wanted your…

Things ended messy between us. That was not what I wanted, even if I did have my own doubts/concerns near the end. But there are so many things I'm thankful for, that I probably never expressed them adequately. I'm sorry for that. So here goes my attempt to correct that a tiny bit.

Thank you for the best birthday I've…

I would never send this to her but… As time passes, I learn more and more about myself. Slowly I’ve been dissecting my own psychology preparing to rebuild. Acknowledging all my trauma, trying my best to be superhuman in a sense of awareness of my own being. I think often about how my trauma impacted our relationship…