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but it’s always been someone else with you. even as a facade, you have to realize how faulty that is, right? anyway, i shouldn’t have to ask. you didn’t have to ask for me to put you first, i just cared enough not to risk it. not how you did. i know we’re different. not reciprocating that doesn’t make you all big and bad and evil, either. i guess i wish you felt loved enough to understand that - and i know i haven’t given you enough, i’ve never thought i did. even if i’m convinced that actually experiencing me would relieve so many of your fears. just, do you even want my love? to have and to hold it? i won’t force that on you. and regardless, if you couldn’t consider me unless i asked, this simply doesn’t work. not for me. i loved you, maybe i still do, but i’m still figuring out where to put this feeling in a place that doesn’t turn everything so on or off. i hope you’re doing the same. this **** isn’t asking to be ******, but tempered.
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