iMessage
Your goal was never to hurt me, but instead you left me hurt and traumatized. You did it, you really did. You broke me, left me when all I wanted was you, and I loved you so ******* much. I would have done anything for you. But ever since February 10th, I haven't been me. Just a shaddow of myself hurting crying and just falling back into the depression I had fought so hard to get out of years before meeting you.
Because of you I can't be hit on, I don't trust anything when it comes down to dating. Someone has been hitting on me and its sending me further into the pit because so much of what he says you had once said to me. I'm in constant fight or flight because of it. I know I'm not ready for anything, this further proves my point of that and the trauma you put onto me.
Unfortunately now I do understand how you felt when you left me however. Being so broken by the ones before, not being able to handle what love should feel like, being scared of it even. I understand the feeling now of wanting to run from it, but the biggest difference between me and you with this is, I stopped trying, I don't let people think that they have a chance with me, I don't say I'm not ready for anything and act like I am. I don't treat people like I want something with them because it is cruel to use their hearts just to test if I'm ready. You let me believe you wanted something with me, by the way you treated me, the way you would lean in for a kiss, or even make a signal letting me know you wanted a kiss, telling me you felt lonely without me there, telling me you missed me.
It was impossible not to fall in love with you, but because of you I'm done, and now I don't even want you. I just want this feeling of longing to be loved and refusing to let anyone in gone. I want the trauma gone... I've accepted that love may not be for me, afterall everything never works out for me.
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