Unsent text message to Allison

Maybe I’m not delusional completely… That felt more calculated… I still never got an answer that I’ve asked a few times are here … but I think your listening now ( or reading haha) do you think of me when you are alone after the porch light goes on … hmm

Okay okay sleep I need sleep . 😂

I don’t understand and I’m struggling to set it aside: I ask you to go look at the moon because it’s breathtaking, I tell you I miss you because I do, and you tell me it’s “dehumanizing.” I genuinely do not understand.

How can you, and you have—always, taken everything beautiful and turn it so ******* ugly? I know we…

i was unmoored. every shred of what i thought made me, ME, was taken. the only ballast left was that i was a mother.

when you left, and i was relieved because it was torture to not be US anymore. because what we became was not us.

and so i let the wolf in. i allowed him to slowly, softly, gently, erode those parts i…

If you need to vent, I’ll listen. If you want my opinion, I’ll give it.

It’s so dumb, but I’ve never had anyone think so deeply about me and make such an effort for me to go enjoy nature and the stars at the planetarium. It sticks to me like super glue, the first person to ever listen and take thoughtful initiative on what I’d like. I’d never experienced that love or care, and despite it…

Damn you . Bc I want to say hello but I said I wouldn’t come over there .