Unsent text message to Joshua

I needed to ramble so I wrote this unsent message to my ex. I need help its awful that I still miss him

"I miss you and I hate that I miss you. I hate you and I want you to come back. you are the only person who has clicked just right. maybe I'm the pathetic one, I mean, I've only dated one person this whole time. and…

Today I am having constant mixed emotions about you. Honestly everyday I am having these emotions. One second I love you with all my heart and just hope for your return. The next, I’m realizing how much you have managed to break me down without even being present anymore. I think about all of our good moments and then…

Bring your voice back. I just want to listen to you talk all night.

On all of me.

Consuming me.

You’ve always known that I’ve never dated the same girl twice. After I break up with someone it is done! So you played these break up games by leaving me and then running back to get me! Well this last time has been two years now that we aren’t living together as partners and you’ve treated me bad and never took…

You think I’m a bad person for what I did and I don’t disagree with you, I think I’m a bad person too. I wanted you and that’s true l but I knew you’d leave so I had to hurt you so you wouldn’t hurt me first. What a cop out- an excuse, but at least it’s honesty. Honesty is something you always wanted, so I guess it’d…