Unsent text message to Vanessa

If thats what this world wants from me is to go back to my old ways I will. I was trying to make amends for hurting so many, but they want me to be a degenerate. Go back to fighting, drinking, and *******. So thats what I will do. Can only be pushed so far.

I saw Tape B was doing a show in the area and it reminded me of you again...

I was in sociology class and my teacher said "self-control" as he read the slide.

it made me think of self-control by frank ocean. it made me think of you.

in the song there's these lyrics "made you use your self-control" and "made me lose my self-control."

did I make you use your self-control? could I make you lose your…

This summer I screwed up when I reached out to you and I left it on a stupid bit of messages. I was struggling a little this summer. I need some form of closure, but I also don’t want to put a whole lot of emotions on you, nor make you feel like all I have to say so emotionally heavy—like every time we talk, it’s…

I hope you’re ok. I know you’re starting school soon if you haven’t started already. I hope everything goes well for you. I hope you stick it out and do amazingly. I just miss you. So so much. I miss you in my life. I love you. I think about you everyday. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. I wish things went the…

I can't remember. But I really feel like you do, or did, at least.

Last night I had a dream that there was a huge duffel bag in my space (my house? Maybe my store? Something) and it was filled with all manner of juggling equipment. I didn't remember it until about an hour ago.

All I know is that in the dream, right…