Unsent text message to Nicholas

This summer I screwed up when I reached out to you and I left it on a stupid bit of messages. I was struggling a little this summer. I need some form of closure, but I also don’t want to put a whole lot of emotions on you, nor make you feel like all I have to say so emotionally heavy—like every time we talk, it’s…

I hope you’re ok. I know you’re starting school soon if you haven’t started already. I hope everything goes well for you. I hope you stick it out and do amazingly. I just miss you. So so much. I miss you in my life. I love you. I think about you everyday. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. I wish things went the…

I can't remember. But I really feel like you do, or did, at least.

Last night I had a dream that there was a huge duffel bag in my space (my house? Maybe my store? Something) and it was filled with all manner of juggling equipment. I didn't remember it until about an hour ago.

All I know is that in the dream, right…

A little ****** up, buried deep,

Counting promises I couldn't keep.

Bad luck taught me how to stand,

With shaking fists and dirty hands…

know or understand why you think of me everyday. You poisoned everything we shared and tossed me like rubbish with your lies, betrayals, and disrespect. Forget about me. I don't wish to linger in your thoughts. You didn't deserve me when you had me fully and completely, and you don't deserve me in memory.

Why couldn’t you be decent enough to just call it quits? Why did you drag me along and then abandon me like everyone else I’ve ever told you about, it’s so unnecessarily cruel. An actual humiliation ritual atp. And normally I’d let sleeping dogs lay, but ****?? What the **** did I ever do to you for you to be so…