Unsent text message to Rebecca

You were my best friend for a large part of my adult life. Knowing you were at home is what helped bolster me against a lot of hardship in those years.

I miss your laugh. Your sense of humor. The joy you found in all your little hobbies. I miss being close to you.

Letting go of my best friend, to preserve what love…

I’ve started to realise that after every good moment, there always seems to be a bad one waiting. And today was the bad one. I smiled at you, and you gave me a blank look. Not just once. All day. And ****, it hurt. Because how can you look at me like I matter one day, then make me feel like I don’t exist the…

After everything that happened, even the parts you probably don't know about, I don't hate you. You spent eight years refusing to even look at me because of something you did and decided it was easier to push me away then to just talk to me. I know I had my part in it, but I don't think you realized, or just didn't…

I’ve removed you like 2-3x bc I hate how avoidant you are and tell myself I deserve someone who can give me the attention I want, but I always miss you. You literally told me you’re not good for my mental health, I guess there’s some truth to that after all.

After removing you the last time, I instantly regretted it so…

Babe when you get closer, I wanna run away

when you get farther, I wanna come your way

you make me feel loved, you make me feel trapped

you make me go fast, you make me go slow…

You may have been just as confused as I was, perhaps even more so. I'm just going to keep an open mind I guess. No reason not to anymore