Unsent text message to Lisa

There's no way to tell you this, but the pain still hits me sometimes out of nowhere. You appeared in my dreams fairly recently, but your eyes were reproachful.

It feels like the beginning of a book. There is so much to say, and once again, I have to be clever with my words, at the risk of binding myself to that trap…

Dude is a ******* pathetic loser who should stop being a whiny ***** about people using him. People wouldnt "use him" if he had any substance of a personality. After a ******* week I care more about "the fleabag" than I ever have or will about him. He complains about ****, but doesnt do anything to fix his lack of a…

Ugh. Im better at it now. And, I think I'm going to do it mostly alone this time. Just work, the gym, school, and most of all recovery. No more getting my heart broken by broken people. Just growth, grieving and God. And it's totally all good good. Everything will be okay. We will be okay. I'm sorry we can't find love…

You told that to me. Why do I still love you after all these years.

I don't care if it’s stupid. I love you and I’m always happy to hear from you. I don’t care if you’re just ******* with me. I like holding your hand and cuddling with you.

If I could tell you how much you meant to me, I would. You were everything to me and more. I can’t lie and say I’ve moved on because I really don’t think I have. I try to tell myself everyday that I am so much better off without you, but you truly did make me want to be a better person. I haven’t wanted to change…