Unsent text message to Michael

I have a tendency to fantasize...

Anytime Ive ever been single I daydream about someone until they get a girlfriend or I find someone else. I've daydreamed about you for so long. You're gorgeous. Why wouldn't I? And those thirst trap weight lifting videos you posted? Ugh. Love them. So ******* much haha. You quit…

So I read another quote today which hit me in the feels.

I’m falling in love with you And I guess it scares me Because from the very beginning I told myself not to.

Part of me, The human part of me, Is warning me to be careful, To not allow myself to fell this way To protect myself From getting hurt.

But my soul… My soul…

I’m speaking to you through music. I can’t stay silent. I can’t not love you loudly. I don’t want to be silent anymore. I need you, I want you, I can’t stay quiet. I really can’t. I’m caving tonight because I’m weak for you. I can’t stay away. I really can’t. I don’t care if you think I’m stupid and weak. I love…

Why is it that every time I think I’ve gotten better at living my own life and distancing myself from you in my heart, every time I get anxious and frustrated at myself, I just want you here?

The constant effort to not think about you and all that has become so exhausting. Small moments keep popping up in my mind like intrusive thoughts and then I’m back to the beginning.

If only you understood what I was going through, if only you would just care a little about how it was for me. If only you emotionally…

I will pick up with writing more often. I just lack the motivation and energy to do so right now.

It used to be easy because I would procrastinate on my todo list and write instead. It was like a mini adrenaline dump or a fight or flight response so it came naturally to me.

But I don’t like the style that I was writing…