Unsent text message to Cole

You little **** head

Lately, it feels like my world is slowly falling apart. There are days when everything feels heavier than I know how to carry, and I’m so tired of pretending I’m okay. I go through the motions, smile when I’m supposed to, and keep most of what I’m feeling hidden. And then I see you. For a little while, everything…

I was with you when you heard the initial news, and I was so ready to walk this journey beside you, to support and encourage you through every difficult day. Even though our paths shifted, I still care.

I know you are getting ready to have tests done and find out where things stand. Being a caretaker is in my nature…

When we first broke up, I tried to fix things. I know it was too late but I gave it a shot. Then I stopped because it never would have worked. You were too far gone. So I gave the space you so desperately needed. That hurt but I knew it was for the best. I kept the door open though.

After one month passed, I thought…

I don't want to listen to Mitski tonight…

You seem to have matured all in one go, and seem to have filed away the entirety of our history. Why am I still here, then, remembering it? Re-living it? It’s just empty walls now. I’m still here because of the silent hope that you will come back. So, I better be going. I’m going to close the door to that room behind…