Unsent text message to Kelsey

B,

You bought me peach mentos. I’ve been feeling very neutral towards you and about our situation. Since our mutual friend messaged in our group chat this morning, you’ve been on my mind. I wouldn’t be mad with you breaking the no contact I implemented at this point.

I’m giving myself until those peach mentos run out…

Today is hard. I was thinning my eyebrows when I looked down. I saw myself in the mirror and broke. I know I'm not ugly, but I wish I was beautiful. I know parts of me are.

I love with every part of myself, I'm understanding, I'm honest, I'm kind. I live those things. Im attracted to myself internally but…

I say this with all the love in my heart. Just **** off. I’ve been alone since my dog died to deal with my grief. And I’ve lost friends, for being “negative” . Even just the day after I watched him die I was being told to “smile” and that my sadness repels people. Well they can all **** right off and honestly you can…

I’m embarrassed that I still think about you. It’s been a year since I stepped on my pride and put my ego aside to offer to drive two hours to see you. After flying out of state. And you refused to see me. I know I rejected you first, but you left with your actions. I just left with words. Still a part of me misses…

The last two years without you Cody has made me realize that even though I’ve had a very rough/tough time the last two years with everything that has happened in my life, i don’t feel alone. I think things happen for a reason, and having all my things burn in the wildfire, while watching the life I had created out…

You regulate me as I do you. Its a dependence that neither asked for. Here we are.

Honestly what do you want from me?