Unsent text message to Audrey

Today is hard. I was thinning my eyebrows when I looked down. I saw myself in the mirror and broke. I know I'm not ugly, but I wish I was beautiful. I know parts of me are.

I love with every part of myself, I'm understanding, I'm honest, I'm kind. I live those things. Im attracted to myself internally but…

I say this with all the love in my heart. Just **** off. I’ve been alone since my dog died to deal with my grief. And I’ve lost friends, for being “negative” . Even just the day after I watched him die I was being told to “smile” and that my sadness repels people. Well they can all **** right off and honestly you can…

I’m embarrassed that I still think about you. It’s been a year since I stepped on my pride and put my ego aside to offer to drive two hours to see you. After flying out of state. And you refused to see me. I know I rejected you first, but you left with your actions. I just left with words. Still a part of me misses…

The last two years without you Cody has made me realize that even though I’ve had a very rough/tough time the last two years with everything that has happened in my life, i don’t feel alone. I think things happen for a reason, and having all my things burn in the wildfire, while watching the life I had created out…

You regulate me as I do you. Its a dependence that neither asked for. Here we are.

Honestly what do you want from me?

I realize my feelings are stronger than I thought. I want all the blessings and curses that come with you. You said you had feelings for me and I want to believe it’s true. I want to believe they’re the same feelings I have. I want to believe you aren’t keeping me for just attention and boredom and maybe it is all…