Unsent text message to Lucas

I ain't checked up on you in a long time... there's a reason I don't pop up on your timeline...

I still do, just from afar now I guess. I can’t seem to get past it yet. It’s hard going from loving someone to trying to put that love in past tense because you’re not here anymore.

I loved your smile and the way the corner of your eyes crinkled when you were happy. I loved your laugh and especially when I was the one…

have a wonderful day.

I love you and miss you.

How much of this has just been me? Maybe I deluded myself, what if I am not what you need? Not willing enough to concede, or my mind isn't quite enough freed. There's some tension on the sea, will it uproot the tree?... Was it something that passed by, as if I'd sat in the right lane, as if you went by in the left…

Why aren’t you here taking care of this?

I can’t wait to see you later. I’m so nervous. I’m so ridiculous. I hope we have a great time… fun, laughter and a huge warm hug that lasts for like ten minutes.