Unsent text message to Luke

Why aren’t you here taking care of this?

I can’t wait to see you later. I’m so nervous. I’m so ridiculous. I hope we have a great time… fun, laughter and a huge warm hug that lasts for like ten minutes.

or if you even cared. but you didn’t. and your text back to me said so. i was hoping that you would fight. fight for me. fight for this. but you didn’t.

I catch myself checking my phone for a message that isn’t ever coming.

I was so happy to have you back in my life and hopefully vice versa. But the way you just let it…

How you already moved on. It’s been not even a week. You never posted me. You blocked me and posted her. You never complimented me, but I’m sure you compliment her. Was i just convenient like everyone said? Was i really just that easy? How could something so real be so fake? All these rhetorical questions run through…

I keep going over everything in my head, I attempt to look at it all in a rational and logical way but then there is something not quite right, something missing, something inconsistent that makes me feel overwhelmed with confusion. Then I cry.

It should be getting easier for me by now, not harder, not more painful. It…

To the man I once loved,

It's insane how drastically my perspective on life has changed. I always believed I didn't want to date, or get married, or even like romantic gestures. I've come to realize I just didn't want those things with you. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I knew I wasn't safe with you. I…