Unsent text message to Aiden

a wave of joy came over me. You hadn’t seen me yet too so I had a moment to calm myself but as you already know, the moment we were in front of each other you felt like home, I thought I might actually finally be home.

This had never happened before, you made me feel new things, you made me feel happy, you made my life…

It’s literally the most precious thing I’ve ever heard. It just sounds like a melody the intonation, the pitch, everything about it. It’s so funny that you can sound like an angel while simultaneously being Lucifer’s baby. 😂 I miss you.

So we’re out at the same place and you can’t be bothered to so much as say hello to me - why tf text me after? Gross. The combination of avoidance and ego, I’ve had it with. You’re the worst kind of liar because you can’t even be honest with yourself. Either leave me alone or be a ******* man and say something real.

I got blackout drunk the night you told me. I said I would never do that. I know you don’t want me to do that still but it’s finally my life now. I ******* loved it. Loved every second. You were scared, you’ve seen it ruin people and didn’t want that to happen to me. I smoked some weed too. It’s been three weeks but…

Tonight, I lay here in bed, in a house full of people and all I can think about is you. Maybe it’s the 3 glasses of wine speaking. Maybe it’s the meaning behind this weekend. But all I can think of is you. I miss you. And you don’t even deserve that. You hurt me so badly.

I miss who you were before it all went wrong…

I told you something last summer as if it was a passing whim or a folly. Maybe then not now. I have gone bat 💩 since then. While you may be under the impression that i am quite recovered. I am actually crazed in some new way. Don’t be afraid. I will be composed.