Unsent text message to Jesse

Well. Here we are. Guess I’ll just let this go. Again. I’ve dreamt about you so many times this week. I want to tell you, but you’re the king of aloof. I can’t repeat this pattern, man. I don’t have the heart to tell you that when I go to Chicago I have interviews set up because it literally pains me to see you at…

I often wonder what its like to be you. You expected me to be isolated and always consider your feelings before i did anything . You flirted and laughed and giggled. But when i just spoke to another woman u nearly had a breakdown. How does that work? It doesn't compute for me but i have actual feelings and thoughts…

Is that I miss you too much and I want to hug you again. That I am reflecting on what happened and how I can do better next time if I get a next time. And how I’m working on accepting that there most likely won’t be a next time.

I wanted to tell you that you’re awesome and remind you that you’re handsome.

But I can’t…

im clearly not an expert because it’s been so long and here i am still holding on but

i think im getting better at letting go

im accepting that you simply didn’t feel the same

and i of course don’t blame you, it’s not your fault you don’t feel a certain way towards me…

You suck for taking your new girlfriend on the trip you could never afford to take me on. You’re a ******* ******* and I hope she realizes what a loser you are and breaks your heart. I hope you fall harder than you ever have. I told it to the trees.

For helping me see that men ain't ****.

I wish you the best.