Unsent text message to Barbara

Is that I miss you too much and I want to hug you again. That I am reflecting on what happened and how I can do better next time if I get a next time. And how I’m working on accepting that there most likely won’t be a next time.

I wanted to tell you that you’re awesome and remind you that you’re handsome.

But I can’t…

im clearly not an expert because it’s been so long and here i am still holding on but

i think im getting better at letting go

im accepting that you simply didn’t feel the same

and i of course don’t blame you, it’s not your fault you don’t feel a certain way towards me…

You suck for taking your new girlfriend on the trip you could never afford to take me on. You’re a ******* ******* and I hope she realizes what a loser you are and breaks your heart. I hope you fall harder than you ever have. I told it to the trees.

For helping me see that men ain't ****.

I wish you the best.

As much as I probably should resent you, I don’t. Days go by and you don’t cross my mind. Then he’ll make a certain expression, and suddenly you come flooding back. Sometimes it all feels like a fever dream. Like maybe none of it was real. Without him, I think I might actually question whether you were. Do you ever…

you ghosted me. after using me.