Unsent Text Messages - Page 58

I know I screwed up but I wish you didn’t take the step to “never speak” but our lines were too intertwined to do that - although we haven’t run into each other since you said that 85 days ago

It will eventually happen and I hope we can at least be civil in the same room because I still care deeply for you sweet 💔

I’m so tired today, and all I want is you here. I want to lie next to you, tell you about my day and switch my brain off for a while. I don’t want to fix anything or have some big conversation. I just want to be next to you and feel safe again. Days like today make me miss having my person so much. I wish I could just…

I wish I could tell you how much I want this opportunity and I would trade everything for this, But Im too scared to hurt someone again. So I'll drag this feeling until I die, I love you, Mi amore

Damn girl….we haven’t seen each other in months and haven’t talked over a month and I somehow still feel close to you. Only if you knew what I’ve been going through I wish I could share with you. Hopefully you feel the same. I guess that’s my problem. I never known how you feel. About ready to say **** the boundaries.

…just as I entrust mine to their care.

Hey I’m not sure if it’s hope or delusion or whatever but I think I’m going to see you soon. Not planned just coincidence. Idk. I think it will be good though. I’m not sure what’s making me feel this way but I’m sure of it. If not it’s okay but then this feeling must mean something. I don’t want to say it’s hope…

See you whenever i get released

How you already moved on. It’s been not even a week. You never posted me. You blocked me and posted her. You never complimented me, but I’m sure you compliment her. Was i just convenient like everyone said? Was i really just that easy? How could something so real be so fake? All these rhetorical questions run through…

So exactly what I thought you were doing. Said you were doing. How many weeks have you denied it now? Don't **** with me. I'll hurt your feelings. I am so over it. You're embarrassing.

Do you know how you would treat me had I never told you what I wanted?

The same way you treat me now.

But I am falling more and more for you each day that passes, and I can't help it... When you first messaged me after finding out about my terminal illness, you had no intention of starting something with me. You only wanted to wish me well. But we started talking, and every day since have been the best days of my…

Youve been in some of my dreams since we broke up. sometimes it feels so real I wonder if it is. if our spirits are finding eachother on the dream realm.

ive stopped smoking bud recently so the dreams are only getting more vivid, and I’m remembering more.

last night I dreamt we were lying in bed together but I don’t…

Even the nicest dog is eventually going to bite if you back it into a corner and keep poking it with a stick. What happened was the result of \*years\* of mistreatment. I mean this is routinely the kind of thing you do to other people all the time. So yeah, we decided to boot you from the group chat.

You made a choice not a mistake.

I got maybe a decent 10 years left. Are you really gonna **** around my entire life, because it never mattered to you. I hope one day you can see and feel and know to the depths of your soul, how ******* wrong you've been. So you're either in or your out. I'm done with this middle ing ****.

Bring your voice back. I just want to listen to you talk all night.

The weirdest part that i dont want to let u go cuz even this pain am feeling is comforting me and making me feel u are alive.

I even love the pain u make me feel

Ashton,

I've got to stop using video assistance anytime I need to release. Mainly because it's just not good for the old brain, but secondary reason is that I just keep coming across videos of you with different guys lol. The latest one you're recording yourself in the mirrors on the closet doors in some apartment…

i'm NVR gonna forget you

Our sad situation would be a lot different if you would've apologized and meant it. Now we're just strangers that once meant everything to each other.

I think someone sent me a lot of good mojo from out of nowhere today, it was new and powerful and given from someone new.

The despair I felt when I knew you would never be mine.

When I saw your story after homecoming I paused because of how beautifal you were

I have liked you for so long

I yearn for her more than I have ever yearned…

I miss you so much. You've never bothered me. Ever. You're my favorite thing.

I'm done being nice now. I'm done giving you the benefit of the doubt. The only reason I'm here is for entertainment purposes. To watch you spiral and crash. I once believed you were somewhat intelligent, that you were calculated and cryptic....now I see the truth behind the facade. It's so obvious that I never…

Finally realize that you don’t think about me when you don’t see me. Honestly. That’s worse than telling me “we need to hang out”, when I ask if you want to get a beer. You don’t think about me if we’re not at work, even when you say “it’s not the right time.” That sounds like there will be a right time. Brother it is…

Really though. Is it too much to ask that you tell me I’m pretty, give me a smack on the ***, and whisper in my ear that you’ll see me later?

Yes? Too much. So we choosing silence? Damn, it’s giving noatalgia for my ex.

Remember that time you sent me that poem? The ultimate red flag. You are one dark demented soul.

How do I stop loving you?? My heart yearns for you and I don’t know how to make It stop. No amount of self love, isolation, and gaslights, or depriving myself of my feelings is working. Am I underestimating how much I loved you?? it’s been so long since you’ve left in my eyes, I wonder what you’re doing right now…

I let my guard down and watched an emotional connection unfurl.

How stupid my imagination can be. Hyper fixating on what could be, the disgusting amount of things we have in common, how I could try and make this work since the connection feels sincere...

And just like that, your dating profile comes back, it was never…

I'm alone in mcdonald's and there's this couple sitting behind me.

I can't see them but I can hear them sweet talking and giggling.

each time I see a couple I feel awkward.

we didn't technically date but you know…

I saw your sister and her family tonight at the community center...

I told my bestie (fellow mom that was there with me) that “i saw my 2nd husbands family over there!” and she laughed and said im crazy. (Let’s be honest im just crazy enough to survive this world!) and then i told her jk it’s my hs ex-bf’s sister…

So yah…

K, tomorrow is your birthday. Part of loving you now is accepting that you may never know all the little things I still wish for you. I wish I could hold you. I wish I could buy you DoorDash . I wish I could hear what’s happened in your life and who you’ve become. More than anything, I hope tomorrow is kind to you. I…

i know i sent you an email with an update, but i'm really struggling tonight.

i have a feeling you are too. we had two challenging days this week. we always struggle with separation after difficult topics. we never got to talk about intimacy, as planned, but next week... :)

writing here really helps me, but it's getting…

Do you ignore me because I gave ur number and address the the JWs? i was mad. sorry

Ai is getting crazy. Watching you morph into a bot in real time. Ai can not do tattoos bruh. Some other sucker will fall for the "upgrade". Whole life is set up for good shots.

Injectables is laughable, when medication for the severe daddy issues is too scary.

Check the mirror when you set the tripod up for those ai…

Hey, you didn’t send me a birthday message this year, I was hoping you would, I did get a DM the day before though, but it got unsent, I wonder if that could have been you. I think you’ve finally had enough of me and my lack of just about everything. I am so sorry, for all of it. You’re a great person and you deserve…

"You're not blocked. Just muted." That’s the last thing you said. Words that continue to ring in my head. Why break the silence you choose to maintain? Is playing with my emotions just a sick game? I had no expectations from the start Yet with terms of endearment, I opened my heart You said you loved me, you'd miss me…

i called and hung up, I couldnt take the eventual outcome of you manipulating me again. in the end, all you do is manipulate and use people. I mean for christs sake you have been hacking me for months. is it because I know all the weird things your up

to? im done with the emotional abuse, that’s what you did to me for…

i am so livid with your **** *** ****.

i’m EXHAUSTED. all i want is for you to find something to do with your time and leave me the absolute **** alone. i do not want to speak to you, look at you, engage with you in the slightest.

you wonder why people stop having a **** thing to do with you? because you’re crazy and…

J,

I know I caused it. I know this feeling is of my own doing. It's been 9 months since we talked. You are still on my mind constantly.

But I still miss you. I still want you.

I hate myself for hurting you. I hope you don't think about me. I hope you don't care anymore. I hope someone is loving you the way you deserve…