Unsent Text Messages - Page 52

TRUTHFULLY I love you,

TRUTHFULLY I don't sneak around,

TRUTHFULLY we're just friends,

TRUTHFULLY I miss you…

But there isn't any point, as cheap ***'s aren't my thing, the pleasure was all yours.

Hey J, I meant the thank yous

My last message to you where I listed every way you hurt me started by thanking you for each one wasn’t meant to make you feel bad. I meant every thank you.

I left our roller coaster with appreciation for the good and the bad. I chose myself instead of waiting for you to choose me.

However…

I just want to hold you.. I just want to hear your voice... I just want you to make me feel like im a part of your life, not just somebody who you run to when your life falls apart... id gladly be anything you want and need but you increasingly make me feel like im nothing more than a bother... maybe one day the woman…

It's been 4 years now. Since the last time I saw your smile. Since I felt your warmth. Since I had everything I could ever want in a wife. Since we got each other sober. We were each others reason to do better. We were each others new high....

Since the worst pain I've ever felt. Since the betrayal that would equal a…

I wish you could some how innerstand exactly what my feelings are for you, it literally pains me to not know what my place is in your life. The love I feel for you is more than just physical, emotional and spiritual, this love is something I don't know how to explain or express to you except through being there as…

I'm letting go. Please leave me alone. Just go.

what I really wanted was a light on things. and what you gave me? nothing. I still want to get married. I still want you. but you’re giving me.. scraps

She walked through the door, and there was something different about her.

Not loud.

Not demanding attention.

Not looking around to see who noticed her…

I've been reading all your messages from all those profiles you continue deny having at all. But nobody else knows you like I do and I spot you a mile away here. I love ❤️ you but you forget that I rarely ask any questions without already knowing the truth of it. We both know too many people in town and you haven't…

The back and forth, the constant wanting me around but not wanting me because I’m not a priority in this “chapter” of your life. Everyday gets harder because whenever I try to let go you just reel me back in.

Getting under someone else is the quickest way to get over someone. I don’t believe it. I still miss you so much. The truth is I think about you still everyday. As pitiful as it sounds I just didn’t want you to be the last person I slept with. I had a random hookup but it didn’t make me miss you any less. It didn’t…

I’m tired of being a well behaved woman and suppressing my anger just to make other people comfortable. This will be the last thing you ever hear from me and I do not care I’m letting us go up in flames. I am angry. Angry at you. I’m angry how selfish you are. How selfish you were when we were together. You knew how…

Carlos, WTAF? Really? You couldn't respond all day?? We had a great thing lined up. We just needed to see if we agreed on all the details. I guess the universe doesn't want you around me. Not sure yet. I said goodbye and blocked you, so I guess I'm sticking to it.

sometimes things can be not your fault AND not my fault

changed how I see you.

If thats what this world wants from me is to go back to my old ways I will. I was trying to make amends for hurting so many, but they want me to be a degenerate. Go back to fighting, drinking, and *******. So thats what I will do. Can only be pushed so far.

I saw Tape B was doing a show in the area and it reminded me of you again...

I was in sociology class and my teacher said "self-control" as he read the slide.

it made me think of self-control by frank ocean. it made me think of you.

in the song there's these lyrics "made you use your self-control" and "made me lose my self-control."

did I make you use your self-control? could I make you lose your…

This summer I screwed up when I reached out to you and I left it on a stupid bit of messages. I was struggling a little this summer. I need some form of closure, but I also don’t want to put a whole lot of emotions on you, nor make you feel like all I have to say so emotionally heavy—like every time we talk, it’s…

I hope you’re ok. I know you’re starting school soon if you haven’t started already. I hope everything goes well for you. I hope you stick it out and do amazingly. I just miss you. So so much. I miss you in my life. I love you. I think about you everyday. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. I wish things went the…

I can't remember. But I really feel like you do, or did, at least.

Last night I had a dream that there was a huge duffel bag in my space (my house? Maybe my store? Something) and it was filled with all manner of juggling equipment. I didn't remember it until about an hour ago.

All I know is that in the dream, right…

A little ****** up, buried deep,

Counting promises I couldn't keep.

Bad luck taught me how to stand,

With shaking fists and dirty hands…

know or understand why you think of me everyday. You poisoned everything we shared and tossed me like rubbish with your lies, betrayals, and disrespect. Forget about me. I don't wish to linger in your thoughts. You didn't deserve me when you had me fully and completely, and you don't deserve me in memory.

Why couldn’t you be decent enough to just call it quits? Why did you drag me along and then abandon me like everyone else I’ve ever told you about, it’s so unnecessarily cruel. An actual humiliation ritual atp. And normally I’d let sleeping dogs lay, but ****?? What the **** did I ever do to you for you to be so…

So what is this, guess we are slipping back into the way we were a month ago, which is fine, but I’d love to know why you started being friendly with me, I think there was more to this then what your saying with your words, makes me believe you’d wish some of the walls between us were pulled down, I want to pull all…

You tore everything apart that day and I never got an apology. I never got any ounce of respect. I never got a glimpse to feel like everything is okay. Instead i’m worrying about you, apologizing on your behalf to everyone, telling everyone you aren’t doing okay… You know… I’m not doing okay and you won’t ever care…

I don't want them to define me.. which is why I'm trying really hard to change myself but, it seems that I can't even let the people from my past go. Like you, S. I can't let you go for some reason. I don't even know why, whether it's love or just the fact that someone, at least someone knows me and what I've done. I…

I’ll hold space for you, for us a little longer. I’m not sure why or how but I’m doing it. You’re written in my soul, it’s your blood that I bleed. Wherever you are, wherever I’ll be I’ll save you a seat , right next to me. I still smile when I think about our time at Luis’s place. Do you? What about day one at the…

When you weren’t supposed to be here you showed up. A lot. Now it’s cool to come over and gate is wide open. We don’t even talk like we used to. It really sucks

But I’ll be lying if I said I didn’t love how you made me feel. I hope you don’t hurt another girl or lead them on just to have access to their body. I hope you heal and understand hurt people hurt others. I hope you become a better man for the next woman.

You have broken my heart more times than anyone else. Can you just stop? I don't care what feelings you have or don't have. I can't take it anymore.

I want you I miss you I think about you nonstop I want to be with you How do I be with you How do I make you happy Just tell me what to do

I can tell you’re thinking about it- just do it. I can’t reach out to you, the ball is in your court.

Stop being a coward and step forward.

I guess you really have to believe all this crazy stuff you say. You have to believe i cheated because otherwise i just didn't want to be with you and actually did everything as correct as i could. I left you because you have a metal breakdown monthly. You only take it out on me. You refuse to get help.

Well I feel relieved I guess but more than that I feel kind of foolish. I’ve been spending everyday now for months inside the void searching, attempting to communicate with and hoping I’d find my person. Kind of pathetic isn’t it? Well it is when you are given information about your person…

Someone gave me some drugs and now instead of a clear path it’s blurred. I can see the end I could always see the end but like any good book it’s the stuff between that I typically can also see. Pondering the orb to figure out the messes I’ve made along the way. I need to figure out when politics got mixed up. Maybe…

why do you always assume the worst?

anyway, i'm worried about you today.

can you just say hi? it would really make me feel better to know you're okay. i promise, i won't answer

You had this almost childlike quality about you that I found completely contagious. Whether it was Pokémon, Zelda, or getting excited about something you were learning, there was something captivating about the way your mind worked. Somehow, I ended up learning about sea life and things I never would have thought to…

ive been doing okay the past couple of weeks, at least emotionally. but that ache in my chest started again recently.

after almost 2 months i still hope you'll reach out for me. i hate myself because i would run back. even if you did, you wouldn't want me now because of how ive tried to cope without you.

i can't compare…